Every bereaved parent that I have ever talked to
has recalled moments when they were overwhelmed by sadness at some unexpected
time. In fact, it is so common to the
experience of losing a child that it becomes one of the characteristics of this
particular type of grief. Such moments
are sometimes called “triggers” because they inadvertently bring up our deep
sense of loss.
“I
was simply walking through the grocery store, thinking of
our
menu for supper when I faintly heard that song being played
over
the din of shoppers’ noise. And I broke
down and cried right
there
in the produce section.”
If it weren’t so familiar, it would be funny.
Every bereaved parent that I have ever talked to
has struggled with trying to control those moments and expressing frustration
and embarrassment with “falling apart” that way – especially in public.
But, I think of these as “sacred moments”.
Abraham Heschel (one of our generation’s wisest
spiritual voices) says, “The higher goal of spiritual living is not to amass a
wealth of information, but to face sacred moments.”
If we believe this, then overwhelming moments like
this, expected or unexpected, are worthy of our attention, not our embarrassment or frustration or even
our control. In fact, I think of them as
the moments when the memory of our beloved child is suddenly available to us
with a rare clarity.
Who wouldn’t cherish such a moment?
Moments, objects, and people are “sacred” when
their significance for us is beyond what is obvious – when they mean more than
they appear to mean. So, maybe these
unexpected overwhelming emotional experiences are sacred because in that
instant our child’s spirit breaks through the barrier of time to be with
us.
