a cloudy Christmas

For those whose lives have been shattered by loss, Christmas is like living inside a memory.  It is like walking around observing a carefree-ness that seems, now, uninformed and naïve . . . and all the gaily twinkling lights and piped music cannot draw you in.

This year Christmas seems like a time for others whose lives remain intact and easy – not ripped open with some vital piece torn away leaving you raw, ravaged and vulnerable.   So, how do we do this holiday then?  How do we endure the “happiness” everywhere that ignores those of us who cannot feel it no matter how much we wish we could?

I think we make our way through these cloudy Christmas days with the memory of our precious loved one at the center of it all.  He will be there anyway, so make a proper place for him.  Decorate her photo.  Give a gift in memory and honor of him.  Intentionally remember joyous Christmases you cherish.  Then sprinkle in and around those moments, times of quiet peace . . . walks in the natural world, small gatherings of friends who can allow you to be who you are and the freedom to protect yourself from the expectations of The Season that drive you to do things that are exhausting. 

Simply let this year be different . . . dimmed by the sorrow that is born of the very love that is being celebrated.  It is strange.  You know the love that is full of peace, hope and joy.  You know it more deeply and more intimately than ever before.  So, even though this Christmas is cloudy, foggy and overcast . . . your heart can see through all that to what is deeply and eternally true. 

in the shadow of blinking Christmas lights

of holiday parties and celebrations

surrounded by gift shoppers

and promises of peace, hope and joy

it is winter in my heart

i am the cold, cloudy days

the damp leafless trees

the stark stillness of the night sky

filled with longing

so . . . Holy One who knows the seasons of our hearts

be the sunrise that warms

be the breeze that freshens

be the light that illuminates

and help me give birth to The Love that is ever deeper and more sustaining