we don't get past it . . .

One of my insightful support group members tenderly described one of grief's most unexpected and cruel side effects.  She said that she found being in our group comforting because when she spoke, no one squirmed.  

Why is it that when we are immersed in the most heartbreaking pain we have ever felt, some of those closest to us cannot bear to be with us?  They don't know what to say, what to do or how to help.  So, they avoid us and simply wait for us to "get over it".   

It isn't that they mean harm, they simply do not understand.  Our pain is painful for them and they want it to end.  So our greatest comfort is to be with those who can be with us - those who are patient with our sorrow and walk with us as we learn another way to live.  They understand that . . . .  

     we don’t get past it . . . we learn to embrace it with our whole heart;

     we don’t move on . . . we are carried by all the love around us;

     we don’t get stuck . . . we simply pause because this part is harder to absorb;

     we don’t put it behind us . . . we allow it to become part of who we are and  

     we don’t forget . . . we remember . . . cherishing the deep gift of this child.


Grief is a process of softening into strength.