becoming porous

How can a parent live with the loss of a child ? 
What is the perspective that makes that even possible?

Healing from such grief is the answer to this question . . . that is, learning to take in the unthinkable truth and let it be part of who you are.  Patiently and compassionately walking through each day and allowing the sadness, the questions, the pain do what it will do.  It takes enormous courage to submit yourself to that . . . and yet, there is no other way.  

Eventually, we soften . . . become pliable . . . the heart grows big and wide . . . patience comes more easily because we know now how little control we actually have.  So, to live with what we now know and still love, laugh, cherish and give . . . it all takes a new energy.  As Etty Hillesum says, our petty desires fall away and we come to know that "all that matters now is that we be kind to one another with all the Goodness that is in us." 

Here is another way to put it . . .

I want to become porous
for life, love, pain and joy to flow through me
effortlessly
constantly
blessing each breath
I want to take the brittle
inflexible pieces of my life
people of my life
and carefully, delicately,
loosely
weave them together
until they flow
softly
as one
constant
gift