the power of the pause

It is very early in the morning and I am sitting in a car dealership waiting area while my car 
is being serviced.  You know, that necessary couple of hours it takes while those who know 
about my car make sure it keeps running smoothly.   I try to be timely with these 
responsibilities so that my car doesn’t develop a problem that leaves me stranded somewhere.  
It is not my favorite thing, but something I make time for. 

Grief takes similar attention.  The deeper needs that grief creates must be tended to.  And even
though we know this, we often resist paying that painful attention. Understandably, we would
rather feel anything than the deep and hollow sadness of loss, so we avoid the moments that 
give rise to them.  Grief can also carry such intense memories that we become afraid to 
surrender to them for fear we might never regain the composure we need to merely get through
the day.  So we tend to push them deeper and deeper . . . hoping that, somehow, in time,  
they will disappear altogether.   

But, of course, that doesn’t work . . . and like my car, if I neglect taking care of my heart, 
its backlog of feeling can emerge when I am least prepared to deal with it.

Once again we run into that awareness that this is not an “either/or” situation, but “both /and”.
We do not have the luxury to choose between each day’s demands and the time it takes to heal
 from grief.  Both are necessary.  So, how can we learn to manage ?

There are several ways that are so important they are worthy of taping to your bathroom 
mirror.

-       be clear about what is truly necessary to do – let the rest go

-       be gentle about what you expect of yourself and others

-       know what gives you energy and what drains it from you, then minimize the 
        people and moments that are draining. 

Another helpful reminder is to recognize the “power of the pause”.  When we take the time to 
stop, take a deep breath and collect ourselves in the present moment, we give our spirits time 
to catch up with our bodies.  Giving ourselves a regular “dose” of moments in which we focus 
on what we feel inside is critical.  The more concrete we can be about this the better.  When 
we give ourselves this kind of compassionate care and attention, we gradually learn the 
balance of living in the clear minded reality of both loss and blessing. . . . both sorrow and 
gratitude.