the heart connection

I have had the privilege of facilitating one of our support groups at My Healing Place for 6 years now and one of the ultimate gifts I am given by doing this is the people who come into our circle of caring immersed in the deepest sorrow of their lives . . . and watching as they slowly begin to heal from the wounds of their loss.  All of them are precious in my memory . . . people-gifts I’ve been given. 

One woman came after the death of her newborn baby.  This was her first pregnancy and her son was full term, 9 pounds,  but died unexpectedly during birth.  She was so utterly devastated by the loss of this child she had dreamed into being.  And I remember one of her greatest struggles was the thought that she didn’t belong in our group because she wasn’t a parent.  And yet, she came every single time. 

So, our group talked about that . . . what does it mean to be a parent and how does that change or not change if your child dies.  We decided that everything that parents do, we, who have lost a child, still do . . . we still love this child with all our heart, we still want their lives to be peaceful and safe and beautiful, we are filled with a million precious moments and each one is a gift we hold with gratitude and nothing . . . nothing could ever break the power of this connection we have with them.

This is a story about a bereaved mom, but I think it is a story that applies to the loss of anyone in our lives that we know is irreplaceable.   What is it about that relationship that will never change, that is still present to us and will be with us forever? 

I recently read a beautiful quote by Richard Rohr who says, “Life isn’t about being correct, it is about being connected.”   I would change that a little and say that grief isn’t about being correct, it is about honoring this heart connection we have been given.